


It's Time I Told You...

by ElfGrove



Category: Hikaru no Go
Genre: Anniversary, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Post-Series
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-13
Updated: 2013-08-13
Packaged: 2017-12-23 09:39:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,803
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/924815
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ElfGrove/pseuds/ElfGrove
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nearly a decade later, Hikaru finally lets his closest friend in on the one thing he never explained from all those years ago.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's Time I Told You...

It was years later before Hikaru ever told him. Nearly a decade. A decade of playing matches together and becoming close friends instead of just passionate rivals. He thought he knew all of Hikaru’s secrets already. Hikaru had been a more complicated person than he generally let on, but Akira had always suspected that.

"What do you mean you’re not coming to the tournament?!"

Hikaru shoved his hands into his pockets and flashed the grin he used to cover up things he wasn’t ready to talk about yet. “I told you, I have an important trip planned. I can’t make it.”

"Father and Isumi are going to be there. It’s been months since they were last in Japan! What could be more important than seeing them?"

"It’s important Akira. Just trust me. Give them my regrets." The smile twisted slightly, there was something painful there. "Tell Isumi my thanks for his care again this year.”

Akira watched him sharply as they walked along together, headed for the Go Salon they were frequenting recently. Hikaru walked looking ahead, his mind a million miles away.

"I can’t." Akira let his lips twist in annoyance. "I’ve got an important trip to make."

That brought Hikaru back to the ground. “You can’t cancel! You already agreed to be there!”

"They can do without me for once. It’s not like you never took unexpected absences."

"Hey, I arranged to be away that week long in advance!"

"Before."

Hikaru pouted, the familiar creases forming between his eyebrows. “That’s really old for you to be bringing up now.”

"Maybe. But it’s one thing you never explained."

"Do I still owe explanations for that?”

Akira stopped on the sidewalk, watching the way Hikaru’s back stiffened before he stopped too and turned to face his old friend. “Not owe, but I’d still like to understand what happened back then. We, the Go world nearly lost you, didn’t it?”

Hikaru’s smile faded. “I can’t decide if you’ve got really good or really crappy timing, Akira. I’ll email you my ticket itinerary later. Might as well travel together if you’re just gonna follow me anyways.”

"Thank you."

"And don’t blame it on me when you call the Go Association to cancel. This is your own decision."

—-

"Honinbo Shusaku Memorial Museum." Akira read the plaque aloud, watching Hikaru carefully.

Hikaru had let him join him for the trip, had even shared the itinerary of trains and overnight hotels, but had refused to explain what the purpose was or exactly where in those towns he intended to visit. He had recognized it of course, the name of Shusaku’s hometown, but that didn’t explain anything. Hikaru had seemed a bit somber, but mostly normal when they’d ridden the train in late yesterday. This morning had been different. He almost didn’t recognize the Hikaru today.

Dressed almost formally, Hikaru’s bright exuberance for life that he had never outgrown seemed absent. He hadn’t said an unnecessary word to anyone today. He had waited for and allowed Akira to follow him, but didn’t speak. The only people that had earned responses were the general polite exchanges when he had purchased fresh flowers on the way here or paying attendants. The bare minimum of interaction. Hikaru’s eyes were locked on the destination with little consideration to spare for the world moving around him. It worried Akira.

Hikaru rested his fingers against the wooden arch that created the entrance to the museum, watching some memory Akira didn’t know before letting his hand slide back to his side and continuing forward.

The museum curator came out to greet them, and recognition seemed to flare when she saw Hikaru. She bowed deeply and accepted one of the two bouquets Hikaru had brought. Hikaru didn’t say a word, and didn’t seem to need to. She smiled at him and spoke softly, something Akira couldn’t hear. Hikaru bowed again without speaking and continued up a stone staircase towards the graves that lined the hill. The curator closed the path with a chain behind him, blocking Akira from following. 

"Come have tea. Mr. Shindou will want to be alone for a while."

"You know him?"

"He visits the same day, every year, for a long time now. I’ve been expecting him.”

Akira followed the curator into the sitting room of the museum and was silent as the tea was served. He hadn’t known. How had he missed Hikaru taking an absence every year? The same absence every year.

The curator smiled kindly. “Mr. Shindou will be back down in an hour or two. If not, we’ll go check on him.”

"Did he ever say why he comes?"

"No." The curator sipped and made a sad expression. "The date’s wrong for Shusaku’s death, so I don’t know how it relates, but he’s been here every year since he was very young. I still remember the first time he came, running around desperately like he’d lost something important. The man with him told me he was a pro Go-player."

"He didn’t tell you himself?"

"Oh he did. Eventually. Mr. Shindou was coming here for 3 years, never saying a word the entire time before he spoke to me. He sat praying at Shusaku’s grave in the rain for three hours that year before he came back down and introduced himself properly for the first time.”

"The year he took the Honinbo title."

"Yes. He said he hadn’t felt right introducing himself before then. It was after that year that I started ensuring he had privacy for his visits and following his progress in the Go world. He’s very good."

"Yes."

"I’m glad to see him making the trip with someone. He always seems so sad here."

"But he still comes."

"Yes."

—-

Two hours passed with no sign of Hikaru returning and Akira was given the keys for the chain and permission to go up and see him. He had to force himself to walk at a normal pace. Everything the curator said made this sound like a shotsuki meinichi, an annual death anniversary trip. But Akira had known him for years. Met his mother. Been there when Hikaru’s grandfather had passed. He had never once heard of anyone so important to Hikaru that had died around this time of year.

He was taking the steps two at a time when he reached Shusaku’s grave. The sea air was bitingly cold. Hikaru knelt in front of the grave marker, head bowed in prayer, the flowers already arranged in memoriam.

Akira took a position next to him, and paid his respects to Shusaku before standing again. Hikaru hadn’t reacted at all.

"You’re going to catch your death up here."

Hikaru raised his head then, giving him an apologetic half-smile. “Thank you for coming to check on me, Akira. I lose track of time here.” He leaned back, shifting his weight, looking back at the gravemarker.

"Torajiro isn’t really buried here, you know."

"The curator told me. He’s in Tokyo. So why come all the way out here?"

"Torajiro is in Tokyo," Hikaru agreed. "So this grave is just for Shusaku."

"You see his Go as a separate person from Torajiro?" It still felt odd, but the curator had told him that Hikaru, when he spoke at all here, talked about Honinbo Shusaku and his childhood name of Torajiro as if they were separate people.

That sad smile widened, but Hikaru didn’t turn away from the grave. “I never told you about Sai.”

Akira blinked, That was an unexpected change of subject. “The internet player from years ago?”

"You were the closest to finding him, but I never really told you about him."

"I thought he was probably," Akira had never really voiced it, but it was the most logical assumption. Even though it didn’t explain some of what he had seen. It didn’t explain that first game. "He was your teacher, right? That’s why everyone kept seeing echoes of him in you. Was he a fan of Shusaku?"

"Sai was Shusaku."

"Hikaru?"

"Let’s go somewhere warm." Hikaru stood up. "I’ll tell you about Sai. It’s been a long time, but I’d like to tell you about Sai now."

—-

They were in the sitting room back at the hotel. Hikaru was leaning back in his chair, watching Akira’s reactions carefully. It sounded insane. The ghost of Shusaku… No. The ghost of someone named Fujiwara no Sai who had haunted both Shusaku and Hikaru, playing Go for 1000 years. But nothing about Hikaru made it seem like a joke, and Akira knew his jokes well by now. Years ago today, Sai had disappeared and the loss had nearly caused Hikaru to quit Go entirely.

Remembering the Hikaru from back then, seeing the Hikaru before him now, he could believe it. Believe that his friend had lost someone so important to him, his teacher that had brought him into the world of Go, so suddenly that it had nearly broken him. He and the world of Go both had nearly lost two of it’s best players in one fell swoop.

"Isumi brought you back to Go after that." He had always believed that his rising in the ranks had jump-started Hikaru into making a comeback. Hikaru was his rival and equal. Oh, he’d known for years now that Isumi had been the first game, but he thought he’d been the motivation. Even Isumi had said he thought as much. As much as he liked Isumi, he was a little hurt to learn otherwise.

"Sai brought me back," Hikaru’s voice was soft. "Isumi just forced me to look for him in the right place. It was always Sai that lead me to Go, to the people and the life I treasure now."

"The Go board at your place, the one you only bring out for certain people?"

"It’s Sai’s. The stain is gone, but it will always be Sai’s Go board."

"You always play me on it."

"Of course. Sai loved to play against you."

"The internet game?"

"All Sai. I thought you’d caught us for sure at that cafe though. We stopped playing on the internet entirely after that. Well, except for that one game against your dad."

Akira smirked, “He’d faint if he knew he’d played the real Shusaku back then.”

"Don’t tell him."

"I won’t. It’s a secret, right?"

"You’re the only one I’ve ever told the truth about Sai."

"Thank you, Hikaru."

"I’m going back tomorrow you know. It’ll be cold and uncomfortable, but I’ve got an entire year of stuff to tell him."

"I understand that now. I’ve wanted to talk to him for a long time too, you know."

"Yeah."

"And I need to thank him, for bringing you to Go."

Hikaru’s grateful smile was worth casting aside any doubts he had in the story. At least for now.


End file.
